you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
