I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
