i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
