Your tits are I can't wait for
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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