Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
