He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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