he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
