I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
