I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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