I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Semen is not good for contacts.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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