miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
