U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
