the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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