my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
