But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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