shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
