It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
