when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
