Where is the hickey?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
