Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
