dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
