can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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