i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
