ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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