I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
