shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
