My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
