end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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