rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
