There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
