Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
