Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
