you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
