your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
