i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
