why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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