He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
