Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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