dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
