Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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