dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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