fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
