He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
