Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
