my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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