Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
