Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
