Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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