Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
