Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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